The Ultimate Guide to Reduce Screen Time: CBT (part 1)
Here is how to put Cognitive Behavioral Theories into practice
Foreword
Nowadays, it seems like everything is trying to tug at your time and attention: social media, online streaming, video games, pornography… In this distracted world, those able to pull back, are going to be happier and more successful.
This is not an easy task, and people looking for ways to take back control of their digital habits, generally find two types of solutions:
Using dumber technology. These are mostly dumb-phones that do not allow you to access the internet. However, you miss out on actual useful features, like Google Maps, the Camera app…
Making technology dumber: These are mostly applications that block you from accessing addictive apps and websites at specific times of the day. However, these solutions only change your device behavior, and not your own. In fact, you might have caught yourself in the past continuously tapping “Remind me in 15 minutes” on the iOS Screen Limit…
Through my thesis research and my startup work, I realized that the key to a healthy phone usage is not dumbing down our devices, but raising our own self-regulation abilities. We overuse our phones because they act as an effortless escape from uncomfortable emotions. We might be bored, anxious, stressed, or really dreading to start that important project… and instead of coping with that emotion in a healthy way, we drown ourselves with TikTok videos to distract ourselves (feel free to swap TikTok videos with your own digital addiction).
During the past two years, I founded a startup dealing with social media addiction, read hundreds of research papers, conducted dozens of interviews with users, researchers and technologists, and performed a study with 93 participants of an intervention that significantly reduced social media addiction scores. From all my learnings, I have created an actionable guide which I am releasing in a series of posts.
The first issue on how to use cognitive behavioral theories to reduce screen time is available for free below.
The Ultimate Guide to Reduce Screen Time: CBT (part 1)
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective forms of therapy. It has also been shown effective at reducing screen time and markers of social media overuse. The following is, to my knowledge, the most comprehensive resource on how to apply CBT-based theories to reduce excessive screen time, problematic internet usage, and social media addiction.
This guide is centered around a cognitive behavioral model from Stephen Briers that explains the five stages that lead to unhealthy usage. Think of it as a map. It doesn’t capture the full, complex reality of your experience, but it's a useful framework to navigate around this issue.
Here is a quick rundown of all the steps from the model, further down you will find a more detailed explanation and how to counter them.
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor nor a therapist. I am a digital product designer who did a MSc thesis project on building a product for social media addiction, and founded a startup about it. This is also the reason why this guide focuses mostly on social media overuse, but it can also be used for other forms of excessive screen time.
The model
It all starts with a trigger. Triggers can be categorized as external or internal.
External triggers are elements in your environment that prompt you to use social media. They might be a notification alerting you to a new message, seeing others around you engrossed in their devices, or even specific locations where you typically check your social media (e.g. the toilet).
Internal triggers, on the other hand, are the psychological or emotional states that drive you to use social media. These might include feelings of boredom, loneliness, stress, or the anxiety that arises when you're faced with a challenging task or decision.
Automatic thoughts and beliefs: Once a trigger is activated, it's often followed by automatic thoughts and beliefs. These are instant, unconscious reactions that form a mental pathway towards social media usage. For example, you might believe that scrolling through social media will help you relax after a hard day. Or, the thought "I might miss out on something important" might surface when you're trying to resist checking your social media.
Cravings: The automatic thoughts and beliefs create cravings, strong desires to use social media. They can manifest as restlessness, a preoccupation with thoughts of social media, or even physical sensations such as increased heart rate or jitteriness.
Permissive beliefs: These are the thoughts that 'give us permission' to act on our cravings. You might tell yourself, "I've worked hard today, I deserve a break," or "A few minutes of scrolling won't hurt." These permissive beliefs can effectively dismantle our resistance and lead us towards indulging the craving.
Maladaptive usage - Lapses and Relapses: A lapse is a one-time return to previous behavior (like spending more time on social media than intended), while a relapse is a full return to previous behaviors over an extended period. For most people, some lapses are inevitable. While these might feel like failures, it's important to view them as part of the learning process. They provide valuable information about our triggers and help us create more effective strategies for the future.
External triggers
External triggers are cues in our environment that can prompt us to use social media. These may include notifications from our apps, the proximity to our devices, or visual reminders such as seeing a friend scrolling through their feed. I am going to give you some examples of things you might do or have in your environment that increase external triggers. They are not necessarily things that you need to change, but they represent good examples of factors that might trigger you to use social media.
Seeing your phone next to you while working/going to bed
Hearing a notification sound
Seeing your phone as soon as you wake up because it is your alarm
Seeing others scrolling on social media
Being in a place where you habitually use your phone (e.g. toilet, public transpo...)
Seeing the icons on your home screen
The key to managing these external triggers lies in understanding their influence and taking active steps to control our environment. The beauty of external triggers is that many of them can be easily modified and are set-and-forget.
For example, you can change notification settings. Consider turning off non-essential notifications or setting specific 'quiet hours' during which notifications are silenced. iPhone has a notification summary setting which can be useful in batching all your notifications at specific times of the day. You can read about how I set up my phone here.
Another tactic involves creating designated device-free zones. You can establish areas in your home or workplace where your phone is not allowed, encouraging a physical disconnect from the digital world periodically. For example, you can avoid charging your phone in your bedroom, and use a physical alarm clock instead.
Ask yourself: when you use social media, where are you? What device are you using? Was it reachable with no effort? Do you need to keep that device there? Does it need to have access to social media?
Internal triggers
Internal triggers are typically more elusive. These are feelings and emotions that push us to reach for our phones and open a social media app. Internal triggers might include emotions such as anxiety, boredom, task aversion. Following these, social media is used as a way to avoid these uncomfortable feelings. It offers an escape, a distraction.
Other times, it’s emotions that lead us to use social media with a specific goal in mind: for example FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), loneliness with its needs for connection, or needs of validation.
Here’s a list of common internal triggers. Ask yourself: which are the most likely to lead to social media binges?
Boredom: Using social media as the default source of stimulation during any period of dullness
Anxiety: Turning to social media as a distraction from feelings of worry or unease.
Task aversion: Using social media to escape from unappealing tasks, leading to procrastination.
Fear of Missing Out (FOMO): Frequent social media checking to feel 'connected' and 'updated'
Loneliness: Using social media as a bridge to others when feeling isolated.
Need for Validation: Posting on social media and checking for 'likes' and comments for affirmation.
Stress: High levels of stress might lead individuals to use social media as a form of stress relief, a distraction from stressors, or a way to seek support.
Insomnia: Using social media as a time-passing activity during periods of sleeplessness.
Sadness or Depression: Turning to social media as a distraction or comfort during low moods.
Most people mistake excessive social media usage as a time management problem, but actually it is mostly an emotional management one. We often use social media as a coping mechanism for uncomfortable emotions.
To solve that, we need to
Uncover which emotions specifically lead us to increased use.
Be willing to sit with the discomfort, and approach it with curiosity. For example, “Why am I feeling bored?”
Figure out a healthier response and do that instead of our default coping mechanism.
Let's consider an example. If I am feeling bored, instead of defaulting to scrolling through Instagram, which only provides a superficial distraction, I could choose to read a book or take a walk. These activities could provide more meaningful engagement and refreshment, which is exactly what we need.
Other times, there are things that we need to be doing, like work, or be in a specific setting. In those cases, the best course of action is to reframe the situation and understand that by avoiding it we are just making it worse. It is by leaning into it and committing to it that we will find some level of focus and attention that will make the boredom go away.
Remember, the objective is not to suppress these emotions but to acknowledge them without judgment, and choose a response that aligns more closely with our long-term values and goals. You know what those are, and you know what activities you want to do to get closer to them
Here are some healthy responses and practices to common internal triggers:
Anxiety:
Breathing exercises: Deep, controlled breathing can have a calming effect on the mind and body.
Mindfulness: Practice being present and focused on the current moment. This can help reduce worrying about future events.
Progressive muscle relaxation: This technique involves tensing and then releasing each muscle group in your body, which can help reduce physical symptoms of anxiety.
Social Anxiety:
Small steps: Gradually expose yourself to social situations, starting with ones that cause only mild anxiety.
Practice: Role-playing social scenarios with someone you trust can help you feel more prepared.
Positive affirmations: Replacing negative thoughts about social situations with positive ones can help shift your mindset.
Aversion and/or dread for a task:
Break it down: Large tasks can seem overwhelming. Breaking them into smaller, manageable parts can make them seem less daunting.
Visualization: Picture yourself successfully completing the task. This can help create a positive mindset.
Just commit to doing it for one minute: Sometimes, the hardest part is getting started. Once you take the first step, you may find that the task isn't as bad as you thought.
Boredom:
Set goals: Having something to work toward can give you a sense of purpose.
Mindfulness: Sometimes, boredom is the result of not being fully engaged in the present moment. Practice paying attention to your surroundings.
Loneliness:
Actively reach out to others: Even a quick message or phone call can help. If you feel comfortable, you might also try joining clubs or groups with shared interests.
Volunteer: Helping others can make you feel more connected and valued.
FOMO (Fear of Missing Out):
Limit social media: Often, FOMO is exacerbated by seeing others' activities online.
Practice gratitude: Remind yourself of the good things in your life, rather than focusing on what you might be missing.
Automatic thoughts and beliefs
Right after the triggers, there are automatic thoughts and internal beliefs.
I'm gonna start with an example. When we feel bored, we might want to use social media to escape from it, but in these cases, there are some assumptions and some rooted beliefs that might not represent reality, but lead us to use social media. In this case, these could be that “boredom is something that we have to escape from as fast as possible.” Another belief could be that “social media is a good way to deal with boredom, and that it's truly interesting and entertaining.”
If we actually check and we ask ourselves how we feel, we will notice that those beliefs are not true, and do not represent reality. Therefore we should challenge them and replace them. More truthful beliefs could be that “boredom is not something that we have to escape from, it's the signal to ask ourselves what we could do that's more meaningful or challenging”, and that “social media is actually not so interesting,” and that “it's not the best remedy for boredom anyways. It’s actually be a little boring itself.”
Identify some potential false beliefs that you have. I have compiled a list of very common ones. Then reflect on them and see if you can challenge them.
I hold the belief that social media is more enjoyable than my experiences often confirm
I hold the belief that social media energizes me more than it truly does
I hold the belief that social media relaxes me more than it actually does
I hold the belief that social media does not distract me, even when I feel scattered or crave distractions after using it
I hold a fear or belief that I might miss out on significant events or information if I don't frequently check social media
I believe that validation from social media reflects my true worth as a person
I hold the belief that that I can effectively multitask, despite evidence to the contrary
Once you have identified potential automatic thoughts or false beliefs that you might have about social media, the next step is to challenge them and to figure out if there are alternative thoughts or beliefs that might be more accurate representations of reality.
Put those beliefs into discussion. Be more mindful about how you feel about social media and try to constantly figure out what are assumptions that you have about it, and challenge them.
By doing that, you will notice that your behaviors will automatically get more and more aligned with your values and your goals.
Cravings
Cravings. Everybody knows what they are and everybody gets them. After all, these platforms are designed to captivate our attention, keep us engaged, and make us yearn for more. Sure, some people experience them more, some less, but cravings are part of everybody's life. What a lot of people don't really know, however, is the best way to respond to those cravings.
Most people respond to them in one of the following two ways.
- The first is that they satiate them by indulging in social media usage. Which is exactly what we are trying to avoid.
- The second way is that they distract themselves from it and push it away.
Pushing cravings away or trying to suppress them often backfires because of the "white bear problem." This theory, first proposed by social psychologist Daniel Wegner, suggests that the more you try to suppress certain thoughts, the more those thoughts become prevalent.
For example, if you were told not to think about a white bear, you'd find that the image of a white bear keeps popping into your mind. Similarly, if you're trying to suppress your cravings for social media, you may end up thinking about it more often, which can intensify the craving.
There's a third option, which is accepting them and being curious about them. Why do I feel this craving? Where in the body do I feel it? You will realize that most often, the craving goes away in less than a second. Other times, it takes a little bit more, but sooner or later the craving goes away. If you have meditated before, you should know this very well. So the healthy response to cravings is paying attention to how they feel, and letting them go.
Having said that, though, sometimes we will slip up. But what if we could reduce the number of cravings we get each day? Luckily, that is possible.
The role of Dopamine
We have to understand a little bit about the role of dopamine for this. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that's responsible for motivation. It is also used to measure the addictive potential of any behaviors or drugs. When we scroll on social media we get virtually infinite content, extremely tailored to us, and always novel and varied. Because of this, we receive countless dopamine spikes.
Our brain has not evolved to deal with all this stimulation. Once we close the app, our dopamine levels don't simply return to their previous baseline. Instead, they drop much lower and stay there for a while. The consequence of this is that we feel less motivated, lazier, and less focused. Moreover, we feel like we need to get more dopamine in the easiest and cheapest way possible, which is of course, more social media. This is when we get hit by the cravings, and if we indulge in them, it creates a vicious cycle.
By the way, if you are ever in that state, my recommendation to get your dopamine levels at a healthy baseline is to take a cold shower or do strenuous exercise.
The long term solution is to restrict ourselves from these cheap dopamine hits. Once our dopamine levels get back to a normal state we will have fewer cravings. A good way to do this on a day-to-day basis, without having to rely on a 30-day dopamine fast, is to abstain from using social media or engaging in similarly stimulating activities for at least one hour first thing in the morning. We can also practice this at different times of the day.
Try to do this tomorrow morning and enjoy a slow, relaxing start to the day. It should feel boring, and you will definitely experience cravings at the beginning. Use it as an opportunity to accept and investigate them. I promise that the rest of the day will feel much more quiet and will have fewer cravings.
Facilitating Beliefs
Facilitating beliefs are often subtle and unconscious. They give us permission to give in to cravings, such as, “I deserve this, it’s been a tough day”. These beliefs are powerful. They shift our attention to immediate gratification, neglecting our broader goals and wellbeing.
There are four types of facilitating beliefs:
Positive expectations of the outcome: These beliefs have you dismissing potential negative consequences. You might think, "I might come across a post that could inspire me to reach my goals..."
Rationalizations: You might tell yourself, "Just one more video and then I'll feel relaxed enough to focus on my work..."
Permissive beliefs: These thoughts convince you that you 'deserve' to indulge. For instance, "I've had a stressful day, I deserve to unwind on YouTube..."
Self-efficacy beliefs: These beliefs depict you as incapable of resisting social media. For example, "I can't resist checking my notifications constantly; I feel like I might miss out on something important.."
Remember, recognizing these beliefs is a powerful first step towards change. The way to fight them is to identify the beliefs that crop up most frequently for you and challenge them with a balanced counter-thought. For example, if you're thinking, "I deserve a scroll break," counter that thought by saying, "I also deserve time to focus on important tasks, undistracted."
Lapses, Relapses, and Maladaptive Usage
What to do when you lapse/relapse? When that happens, try to get your dopamine levels back to normal by going for a long walk, or getting some sleep. And use the CBT model described above to pinpoint the reason for the relapse: what conditions allowed that? Were you more tired than usual? Stressed? Where were you?
Then come up with and visualize a strategy to avoid that happening again.
Another good way to reduce maladaptive usage is to create your personal tech rules (see part 2 of this guide). How to do so? And how do you avoid the most common mistakes that people make when reducing phone use? Well, just read part 2 of the ultimate guide to reduce screen time on this link:
Thank you for reading so far. If you want to support me in continuing this work, please consider subscribing and/or sharing this post to someone who might find it interesting!
Antonio
This was such a great, informative post that inspired me to do some reflection on my own relationship with social media (or online platforms in general). I resonated with a lot of the feelings mentioned here. Thank you for sharing this information for the greater good!
Great post.